Response to the Responses!!

As you all know recently a post from my blog on Teej was published on the newspaper as an article. It was a great feeling, everyone complimented me and congratulated me on that occassion and your support means a lot to me. Honestly it was my first article and I'm no Writer or Reporter neither a Journalist so I did think it was a tad bit amateur, however the response was very much positive or I'd like to think so and it has encouraged me to do more writing!! SO gear up for more people :)

And along with the positive notes and comments there always follows a certain sort of criticism(?) I'm not sure what to call it as I don't actually take it as one...more like a suggestion or an advice and I was so amazed by the responses in the newspaper the following day after!

First of all, I have nowhere mentioned that Fasting or the celebration of Teej has been forced by men, I have just given my understanding and opinion on the occasion of Teej and how the society that has been created is very much Patriarchal in nature and by patriarchy I want to clarify to my dear friends that Patriarchy is not just related to men. Women can be equally patriarchal in nature. It is a concept which has been ruling not just Nepal but the whole world where Male supremacy is given importance. And the concept of Patriarchy has been so much drilled in our systems since childhood, that giving up that concept and embracing a complete new one is a challenge for us. So women who have been fasting, or have been told to fast for most of their lives cannot just discontinue what they are following. And I agree it is their belief and I respect that. But within that we need to understand how women are being made dependent. And I have no where mentioned how Fasting is a way of suppression,what I meant to say is how societies makewomen believe in doing something where they need to put themselves in the inferior category and believe that the male are supreme is a sign of suppression.

And then comes the whole issue of faith. What faith are we establishing here. The faith that if we pray to God we have our wishes granted? or the faith that you work hard and honestly for what you want and you get rewarded? This I think has been a critical debate issue in cultures worldwide. Issues related to faith and religion. As to what we are told to believe in, what faith or what religion means to us are merely taught to us by society and our elders. As change is inevitable, I think with time, cultures change, religions change and so do faith. And my point here is do we keep our faiths intact with no room for change and a breath of fresh air or do we start our own faith? the faith of being HUMANE, the faith of humanity and nothing more complicated.

Last but not the least, I have plenty of friends who are well-educated, aware and feminists and they still do celebrate Teej, but not by fasting or sticking to the age old practices.  And yes I have asked about what Teej means to women and most of them have replied saying to get good husband, its like thats all they want from their lives. Its like the age old American Tradition of women conceptualizing themselves and good housewives. That was their aim, and that was all they wanted: a good-loving husband, a good family. Also most women have replied saying, we have to do it as in there is no option. Everyone in the family does it so even if we don't want to do it, we have to. The issue of force does come here again!

One of the reason for Teej is for women to get together and have a good time, eat good food, sing and dance together as in ancient times, women after getting married weren't given the freedom to visit their parents houses. So many women and men or even the society might argue that Teej was established as a way of giving women independence and it was solely for women, but as the recent lecture I attended by Kamala Bhasin, she said something that touched my soul; A day's freedom? Is that what women are worth of? IS that what we women want? It did made me think and I feel it should make you think too.

so what the women have to slog for the rest of the year and theres just this one day that they get to celebrate their independence by eating the previous day and fasting the next day for the longevity of their husband? I'm sorry but that doesn't sound any logic to me.

I know I'm not a gender expert but I am getting there, and my writings might be very premature but what I write is what I feel. These are just my opinions and point of views which everyone might not have a liking to. I am pretty much straight forward and I say things the way I see them and the way I analyse them to be. All in all I'm pretty much glad that atleast I got some responses otherwise I wouldn't be writing again :)

And as I always end with a positive note: comments,criticism(i honestly wouldn't want to put it that way) advice and suggestions are always welcome.

Teej: A festival?? or a symbol of women's Dependence

Alright so now that Teej is just around the corner, I see women having Teej parties, Celebrating and shopping for this so called festival which has been established many years ago for women. but the quesiton is whether it is jus a festival for women, or just another symbol of women's dependence on the whole system of Patriarchy?
with much respect, i wouldn't want to sound rude or discriminatory to any other people's religion or case, but my family has never celebrated Teej, maybe coz Newars dont. But the whole concept of Teej: fast to get a good husband, or fast to prolong their husbands lives sounds a bit too odd for me. I know in the nepalese culture men are always considered the superior humans and we women have to do a lot to please them. but in the 21st century, fasting to get a good husband; this idea or concept sounds just too stupid for me( no offense). If women did fast to get a good husband, then I think everyone would have a good husband and there would be no acts of violence against women. and the whole idea of fasting for a good man, again tells us that we women need to work hard or remain pure to get a good mate, whereas its not the other way round. so like we work hard, do all pujas and fasting and hopefully get a good husband, but the men do not have to do anything to get a good wife? now that's jus ridiculous.

the other issue is that with Teej women need to wear Red and adorn themselves with good clothes and ornaments is just another symbol of how women are being percieved as objects or commodities. I mean ofcourse women may say we dress up/do fashion to look good for ourselves, but honestly if that was the case, then women would be looking good all the time, be it at home doing laundry or dishes or cooking. so the whole idea of make-up and looking good is another way of patriarchy telling us we need to look our best to get a possible mate. whereas the significance of color red is deep rooted with the concept of sexuality. Red is the color of sexuality. that being said, women are always considered as objects of sexuality. I hope I'm making some sense now. well even if I am not. there might be atleast 1% of the total ppl who read this and would understand what my point is.

and nowadays, the way Teej is celebrated, its become a luxury rather than just a normal festival. the capitalist market has found another way of exploiting women and making their business boom profits. the amount of shopping done for this one day festival is unimaginable.

well these are just the little things that I noticed, I'll be glad if people would give their perspective and add on to it. I'm not saying celebrating Teej is good or bad, but we need to see how we can refine or redefine the meaning of cultural celebrations. do we stick to the age old practice of how women are being dominated or create new practices with the essence of our culture intact. My professor, and she is very famous in the whole feminist/gender equality movement in nepal,Dr. Chandra Bhadra once told me, that she used to follow teej, but since she became aware and so did her husband, on every Teej day, her husband takes her to a lunch/dinner date. And that is something revolutionary, I mean it may not make a difference in a bigger scenario but it is a small step towards change. And because they have made that change in their lives, their daughters will not have to bear the brunt of the to dos and don'ts of the Nepali society.
It makes us think as to what we follow on a daily basis, what society tells us to do has a lot more deep rooted meaning to it. and we as women may not realise it but we are being percieved as the weaker human beings. and its not jus limited to the Nepali society, its everywhere, it might not jus be because of Teej but other various reasons and factors play a role to this being.

So what is it? we the second generation feminist aware women want to do? Conform to the given culture which has trained our eyes to see what they want us to see or create our own existence/identity through a various choices that we make. My religion I would say is not hindu or buddhist or christianity but it is what my heart tells me is right and it is the choices I make that defines me as a person.

Rumors and Gossips!!

I know its been quite some time, actually a really long time I haven't posted or wrote anything. Yes I've been too busy and I don't deny it and yes I know many people wouldn't even care to read what I write. But I feel to write something you need to be hit by something, either an experience or a calling. And even though I've had many of those, nothing had actually hit me so far, like really touched me as of today.

I was dining with a couple of frens in a restaurant at thamel(no names please) but basically the service was lousy, the food...ehh! not so good. There were a bunch of guys sitting right next to the table we were in and I dont know, their faces looked familiar but I wasn't paying attention coz we were having a lot of interesting conversations going on. Until one guy was really loud in explaining to his friends about a girl that he heard of who had a scar on her nose. Now that really got my attention(given that I have one too) He was and I'm pretty sure explaining to his frens that the girl got bit by a dog on her nose> it might've not been me but who knows they might have been talking about me( how many girls get bit by a dog on their nose rite??) I hardly paid attention and the guy went on about the girl.
Now the question is: on what basis are we grounding our society? the guys seemed pretty educated and well informed. But is this what normally happens? You base your judgement of someone on what you hear? If so...what kind of humans are we really? I'm sure everyone has had that experience about knowing someone and hearing rumours about them(some pleasant, others not so) but are we allowing the rumours to guide how we behave. I know this might not make any sense at all to any of you, I'm just pouring down what I feel. But if it really does, I'm glad coz that would mean that I've made a connection with you. I feel people deserve to be really known for who they are and what they do and not on how they used to be coz honestly people how many times in your life have you messed up? Everyone has in one way or the other. There is no perfection, there's faults and mistakes which I think does not define who you are but who you will be.

I may not be the prettiest, the hottest, the saint and the perfect person. But I'll tell you what I am and I tell that with the pride of being me. Yes I am the girl who got bitten by a dog on the nose and have a scar for it, the crazy girl who just trusts her guts and intuition and goes for things she likes and gets what she wants(well most of the time), have had issues with myself and other ppl in the past and many more...But I'm definitely not the one that you think wud care about what u say or think of me...and this goes out to all the haters...the ppl that may have heard about me..or stories about me...and who base their judgement of what I am on what they hear rather than actually knowing me.

This is something I would appeal to everyone to think about coz how many times have u had to go through this situation? ask yourself about what kind of person you would be if you are judgemental and hold prejudices/assumptions/reservations? if you would, I'd like you to think whether or not you would get the same kind of treatment.

I know I said that I wouldn't write anything until and unless something hits me...and yes this did hit me..but not in a depressing kind of way. It hit me more in a analytical way which made me realise that we humans live in a society, where there is so much discrimination and stigmatization going on and there are many NGOS and INGOS (work in the same sector) and I honestly feel that these discriminations are basically based on prejudices and hence the many programs that the civil society brings about, I wouldn't use the term fails, but is not effective enough in changing the mindset of people  and we're the ones to blame.

I say let go of your judgements, prejudices, assumptions all of that and get to know a person really good . And if you don't know the person then why spend talking about them? It only shows there's nothing interesting going on in your life to be talking about someone elses or simply you don't have anything better to do.

That being said, as I got up I turned to the guys, gave them a big smile and walked out. Coz honestly Haters Keep Hating, and I don't let that bring me down, or tarnish the essence of who I am and I think thats what people should do...

P.S: Open to criticism. You may like it/not like it/think its bullshit but I hope you do understand what point I am trying to make...coz what you write is very personal and I trust whoever reads this would understand the meaning of sharing something very personal. Have a great night people...I hope I've got your brains ticking :) :)